2022 is my covid comeback, y’all. I’m sick of feeling like I’ve let the isolation get to me. Things have opened back up, yet here I am, staying in house all day for work, not putting myself in a place to meet people, to set myself up for the days well, and just complaining about it.
I’m taking responsibility for my unhappiness. For my bad habits. And I’m gonna try.
When work doesn’t feel inspiring anymore, I’m looking at why. I think I miss the office. I miss the feeling of the hustle and bustle of running to the next meeting in the office building two over, coming back for a team sync, running to grab lunch and seeing some friendly faces…that stuff made work fun for me. It also probably created a sheen over the grind of work making me feel like it’s what is giving me energy, my purpose. And without that “excitement” and movement, I feel only the growing list of “things to do.”
My bad smoking habit? It’s probably due to boredom and craving stimulus. It’s also keeping me from being productive, and while sure I’m outside when I’m smoking, I’m not enjoying the outdoors, you know?
Been getting real into space shit, and when you look at the entire universe, there’s an estimated 10B galaxies. We found our way here. Somehow. The gravity hasn’t given up on us, held together by each bit of our solar system working perfectly together. The odds of that…it has to be crazy high. So sure, I am 17 days late to the party in wishing a happy new year. But every day, every moment, should have that celebration, novelty, and momentum of starting over. Every moment can be better.
I was watching the Betty White documentary Netflix had until 1/11/22, and she said something about her mother’s optimism, that you have all these things happening in front of you, and if you only take the bad stuff, the moment passes, and you lost your chance to appreciate all the good stuff. And she said it with such urgency, like it’s a tragedy. And maybe she’s right. I’d recently finding myself against blind optimism because I tell myself “it’s not real” and “it’s toxic optimism” but it’s NOT, is it? It’s a choice of perspective. Our thoughts really do steer us. Looking at my bad habits, it’s this undercurrent of thought that I barely pay attention to, it’ll come in a whisper like “I love that first cig in the morning with coffee” and if I don’t address that thought as it passes and deny it, tell it compassionately and firmly “no, we don’t do that, we actually like the mornings and coffee for the feeling of our body waking up” and learning to over time, reduce harm by replacing one bad habit with appreciation for the feeling of the craving, and redirecting that energy to start teaching myself. “this is the feeling I have when my body is asking me to move and shake it up.”
May we have the courage to face our demons this year. May we be bold enough to look at ourselves honestly, and learn to hold reasonable standards for ourselves that nudge us inch by inch towards our goal. May be have the strength to work towards continual progression, the compassion to forgive ourselves when we inevitably falter, and enough love for self to know we are worth trying again, and again, and again.
C-B-Doing Thangs 