January 16

Rolling Stones dude is moving to London.

This is going to be a boy-heavy post. Reader be warned.

We had plans to hang last night. I did not want to because my skin is breaking out from massage oils from my weekend Oregon spa trip as well as my back from running. I legitimately might have to write a whole post about running acne because I have tried everything and I have some product recommendations. No one wants to talk about it but we all get it!! Right?? And if we talked about it more than maybe I wouldn’t feel so self conscious about it?? But like a crazy person I legit text him saying “okay I think I can hang out at 7 but I have to tell you I am so super embarrassed about my skin breaking out. Like to the point I didn’t want to see you today.” I am nothing if not dramatic. But anyways, ended up meeting him and his coworker last night at Warehouse for a bit and then he came over to do a puzzle. That’s not even a euphemism. I’ve been working on my Banff puzzle for forever. Slowly but surely.

But yeah, as we were sipping tea and puzzling, he dropped the bomb about moving.

What would you do, oh silent reader?

Would you cut him off right then and there because it’s not like you guys are exclusive now anyways?

Or would you lean into the loving and laughing you two have and just enjoy the end, denying that you’re holding on to the hope that he will move back to Seattle one day?

I do not know. But I have a hunch what I’m going to do and I’m annoyed at it.

Spent the rest of the night thinking that over while working on a doc due at 8 AM. As did work dude. And he, by the way, has been pretty silent. I finally called him out on that and he listed tiredness and work and fatigue and stress and anxiety and then we haven’t stopped talking since.

Of course I went from being bold and detached right back to dreaming of potential with him. Anxiety? I got you. Sleep issues? Me too, let’s he nap buddies. Where does my people pleasing end? The bounds do not exist.

I started researching some articles on success in relationships. One article was saying that relationships don’t have to last forever to be successful and I thought that was pretty cool. Kinda comforting considering I’m zero for all in terms of lifelong lasting relationships lol. The other bit I remember was something saying you need to visualize for a full 17 seconds the potential of the alternate reality you’re scared of to start helping yourself over it. So for me, envisioning Rolling Stones dude and work dude as “just a friend” or, more drastically, cutting them off completely. I will have both as a friend, but they’re not right for me for a partner. I’ll take the lessons they have to teach me, and move along to seek more substance and to continue to improve myself. I have a lot to do in the area of self-improvement, and grateful for the time to do it.

At work today I randomly met some dude who happens to be running the same half marathon as me in Zion. What are the odds? Low. Like 2%. And yes, of course, the thought passed my mind “it’s a sign! destined to be friends!” hahaha wouldn’t be me apparently if I didn’t.

I’ve slept 4 hours per night since the start of the year excluding the blissful Oregon retreat. Missing that relaxed feeling hardcore. Before working my night shift (emails from the couch) I’m going on a date. Dude is named A. for purposes of blog. He seems funny. I gave him my number. He text “knock knock.” I forgot to text back. 24 hours later he sent a gif of a dude kicking down a door. That secured the date because I was mentally cancelling it. But that gif game stronggggg.

I stopped in to Evergreens and bought a La Croix to earn the right to sit on the warmish inside of their building to type this all out since I didn’t get to this morning.

It’s time for me to go.